Son of Walton

A blog of quotes that are just as messed up as hilarious. There's some truth and some frustration. We stand in the middle of it all, we love Luke but some people think he doesn't even deserve to be called by his name anymore.


Anyway, because of a first half injury to Son of Walton (vaginal inflammation?), the Lakers were forced to use a lineup that I've been suggesting for days. This is what I said on Monday:

Simple solution to Son of Walton crapfest: Shift Kobe to the 3 and start a backcourt of D-Fish and (heavy sigh) Sasha Vujacic. I can’t believe I wrote that, but Vujacic is a lot better offensively this year and his defense gets under the opposition’s skin. And Kobe at the three spot is a ton better than Son of Walton.

Well, son of Walton's case of sudden vaginal inflammation caused Jackson to make the change tonight and hopefully this'll shed some light on the Zenmaster. Until Bynum and Trevor Ariza return, the Lakers best chance is Kobe at the three, facilitating, passing and attacking from the post and sides of the court.

Son of Walton sucks. It’s gotten so bad that the Lakers post game show is praising Luke Walton when he plays semi-decentlyin spurts. After the game, people were cracking on him just a little (somehow this guy is immune to blatant criticism from Lakers Nation) and the host Matt "Money" Smith was like, “Well… the fist half was below average, but I felt he had a few good moments in the second half, so you can’t blame the loss on him.” Why the pass from Laker fans? When did Luke Walton become the retarded kid in third grade that we awkwardly put up with during reading sessions? People... it’s called a contract year! He got his big contract and now he’s fat, injured and lazy.

Melo was on fire at that point, feasting off the dead carcass known as Luke Walton (who's 3 more shitty games from losing the rights to the last name of Walton)

Top five players stealing money in 2007-08:

1. Luke Walton
2. Luke Walton
3. Luke Walton
4. Luke Walton
5. Luke Walton

Screw the NBA pedigree, screw the "high basketball I.Q." and screw the fact that he's coming off an injury (an excuse used by the Lakers postgame radio show), Luke Walton is flat out stealing money from the Lakers. Last season is looking more like the typical NBA player in a contract year. But I'll let the numbers speak for themselves: Walton, after signing a 6-year $30 million, rewarded the Lakers with a scoring average drop from 11.4 to 7.8 ppg., a field goal percentage drop from 47.4% to 45.4%, a freethrow percentage drop from 74.5% to 64.6% and a drop in rebounding from 5.0 to 3.7 rpg. He looks slower, his defense is worse and he passes aren't as crisp as in previous seasons.

As I've said before, Trevor Ariza needs to take Walton's place in the starting lineup. His energy, defensive effort and overall appreciation from the Staples Center fans are much needed in the opening minutes.

The Association should stop hating on the kid. Give him a chance to bail himself out of this before you strip him of his name. That is all.

Lakers @ Raptors

Again, not gonna be your typical update tonight, but with so much going on in the Laker world we couldn't resist. Plus, it's fun to keep tabs on the road trip. We're even going to try to hand out Player of the Night awards, we were going to give one last night but couldn't figure out who to give it to, so hopefully tonight is inspiring?

The Raptors: Is it just us, or is that the funniest name for a team. Raptors are like the cutest dinosaurs alive. Kind of makes us want to have a tea party with them. Us, tea, little tiny baby velociraptors and a bunch of cute hats, wanna come?

Violet Palmer: We absolutely hate this ref. We should be all "girl power" for her being what looks like one of, if not the only female ref, but she sucks.

Canadians: Are there any of them on this team? Which leads to the debate of "what if everyone had to play for the team in their home state, at least rookie season?" That'd be awesome to watch, no?

The Bench: Funny how there isn't an actual bench, it's a row of chairs, but also, there isn't an actual bench! We have 10 uni's tonight. 10. That's just as bad as the last game against Seattle.

So we have our 5 starters: LO, Kobe, D-Fish, Ronny, and Radman
Then we got: J.Farm & The Machine to back it up
Theres also: Coby who, when the hell's the last time he played? and DJ Mbenga (whom we haven't had opportunity to talk about yet) who is new and cannot be FULLY depended upon.
Oh yeah and: Luke - let's just say he's only in uni because he can be (as in, they have enough space on the bench for him), in fact it's rather surprising that Mihms isn't out there in uni, just cause. But he's not, he's rockin' the dress.
Add that to the fact that we shipped two soldiers off this morning and aren't getting our other soldier in return until tomorrow at the earliest and we're sad looking. Dinner for 10?

Why is it that we seem to only trade during road trips? Wouldn't travel arrangements be easier if we were chillin in LA? Just sayin'.

And even if we keep Mbenga, we still have an extra roster spot cause Critt and Brown are gone... hmmmm...


8:14 in the second - the first time we see free's from anybody tonight.

All the talk today is about how Kupcake is a genius for trading our worst player for their best player. Delicious.

End of 3rd/Start of 4th: You see what we mean... little baby velociraptors riding around in toy cars in circles on the middle of the hardwood. It doesn't get much cuter than that!


11:25 in the fourth: Kobe says, "Reach & I'll Teach"

Who'da thunk they'd keep Coby and ditch Javaris?
The boys just put on a circus show.

Quote of the night: "All he needs is a saddle on Kobe's back." Stu Lantz
Of course that was preceded by: "Delfino must think he's in an old western."

Player of the night: Kobe. Yeah, he's always phenomenal - or very close to - but tonight was just one for the books. So many shots that shouldn't have been... couldn't have been if they were taken by anyone else. Hallelujah!

Lakers @ Pistons

Not your average In-Game blog tonight, just a few thoughts.

The injury thing has got to stop! We know it's pretty much just par for the course with the Lakers but we can still be mad. Luke hasn't been contributing much these days but he offers a sort of... flow... to the game that just isn't there tonight and it's quite obvious that everyone is scrambling to fix something that they aren't certified to do.

At half time, the box score looks like: a big box of crap!

But it seems like they are going to turn this one around, let's watch...
The Pistons are sad that they let the Lakers get ahead of them. It's kind of comical to watch them get pissed at every single call the refs make. Keep it up, we like technicals.

Now we're down to the wire. Tied up, Phil is fired up... now we got the lead... Ronny's at the line, splits 'em. Time out. Oh shizzle, it's almost too much to watch. We're going crazy, END THIS TIME OUT!!

4.4 seconds... ... ... ... ... ... soooooooooooo close. Where's Andrew?

Lakers vs. Knicks

We didn't have time to blog tonight during the game but wanted to mention that with the injury thing killing us faster than Raid on ants, we needed something serious tonight.

Ronny was serious. His blocking, catching, and throwing it down was phenomenal.

LO was serious. He seemed to have put some pieces of the puzzle together.

Kwame was pretty serious. He may be making his come back now that people are ready to believe in him.

But most of all, player of the night, Sasha Vujacic! Never seen someone quite as serious as he. Don't think we even need to get into why he's player of the night other than the fact that he threw it down on a repeating and frequent basis. We want to sing Bye Bye Birdie style to him. We love you Sasha, oh yes we do... we love you Sasha, and we'll be true. When you're not near us, we're blue... Oh Sasha we love you!

Home isn't always where the heart needs to be

Patriots fans may be crass, but Los Angeles fans, and more specifically tonight, Lakers fans are down right abysmal. Bottom line to this one is that you don't boo your home team/players. If that's how you feel, stay at home. This is not the first time, even this season, that one of the Lakers have been unanimously booed by the "fans", first it was Kobe, at a time when it was really hard to stand up for Kobe as an outsider looking in, all you can see is this "leader" not leading. Still booing Kobe Bryant does you no good, unless you need to get your booing averages up.
Tonight was Kwame's night. He did play terrible basketball, let the record stand, but let's explore some things before we make up our minds. Kwame is fighting his way back to his fighting weight. Most people recover from injury slowly, not overnight because someone else at work got hurt, it just doesn't work that way. While he may not have been productive on offense, his defense was enough to keep us from being bent over the knee and spanked by the Suns whom we hate so much, which ain't half bad. He did manage 6 rebounds and 8 points. And if you're thinking the booing helped, it didn't, there's probably a good reason behind why he left without talking to the media or even his teammates after the game.

What's even more outrageous is the selectiveness of the booing. 2 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 blocks against.That was Luke Walton's box score. That's downright pathetic. 1 assist for the guy who's supposed to be the greatest passer of all times (or of this time? or of the Lakers? or whatever?)? Just 1? Okay thanks Luke. 2 blocks against? Put the ball in the hole. 2 rebounds, that's not half bad. But what you won't see up there are points, that's cause he had none. None. In fact unless you got a DNP last night for the Lakers you got at least 2 points in your personal box, well, unless it was the case that your name was Luke Walton. Where was all of that basketball IQ he's got? WWBS?
Did Luke get booed? Nope. Is anyone even mad that a veteran of his nature SCORED NO POINTS? Don't get me wrong, we love Luke in all of his forum blueness, but you either show the class of the Jazz fans and boo Luke as well as Kwame or you be a good fan and support your team when the only player they've got left to fill a role is suffering through the end of an injury and the added pressure of having to play no matter what. One or the other Lakers fans. And since you're such great fans I know you're going to get all "but he's not the only option, remember Turiaf!" on me. I do remember Turiaf, I also remember that his championship gold gets him in a lot of foul trouble in a little playing time, so basically we can go ahead and say he's the other option and then when we've ended a quarter and a quarter of a quarter and he's fouled out of the game we'll then what? Forfeit? Kwame is our only option for now, with Ronny coming in to give him a quick breather, so support him or buy season seats to the Clippers.

Lakers vs. Pacers

A word before the game:
The Chargers brought it home tonight, time for the Lakers to handle business. It's raining in southern California which is not really our favorite but it's good to be at home in the warmth. Lamar is back, is this a good thing? Watching Stu get smacked into is kind of hilarious, do it again? YES! Now if Sasha can sink balls with that consistency tonight, we'll be good! Also, a side note to our BFF who lives in Indiana... bring.it.on.


Tip Off
Kobe, Derek,Lamar, Luke, Andrew - and it seems like the other team ALWAYS controls the tip off.


1st Quarter
10:35 So Kobe is gonna have one of those nights huh?

8:42 The bench is still standing as Indiana gets to 9.

7:55 Wow. Just wow. That's kinda far into the quarter.

6:56 "I AM THE COACH! I WILL YELL!"

6:22 Lamar and Andrew... good times.

6:10 A pair of T's for the Pacers... and Dunleavy = 3 (years old). Save the jumping up and down for the playground?

5:03 Once, twice, three times the Andrew!

4:33 Finally we're waking up... except for Luke.

2:46 Luke, FINALLY!

1:30 That would have been a sweet one for The Trev.

1:16 No, you may not take our Kobe with you.

43.1 Somebody did something on the floor, but more importantly Ronny is warming up early tonight.

33-23 Los Angeles


2nd Quarter
Coach O talks a lot.

9:42 Oh shit... time for the J & J show!

8:08 Let's try a new concept called Not Reaching.

Maybe we just missed it but what the hell did Turiaf even do for that T?

4:28 I can hear the refs yelling... nevertheless, there's no reason to hold when Luke still has the ball out of bounds.

4:12 Walton for the steal... but we didn't do anything about it.

3:30 Shirtwatch: Lamar Odom.

3:14 Pimp down!

1:46 Wonder if Andrew gets a bad case of deja vu on nights like tonight?

27.1 OOOOH! Luke Walton - we're amazed every time he makes a difference.

55-53 Still the Lakers


Half Time
Not too shabby so far, but if we can manage to spank the Pacers it'll help the Chargers with some state pride going into next week, so let's get it done, okay? Also it will make me sleep better. Indiana BFF is confused by this blog - there are two different people writing typing out the verbal comments we make during the game; it has no relevance to anything other than we felt like blogging.


3rd Quarter
9:24 OH SHIT. Watch your eyes Luke. Watch your eyes (staring down the ref won't do you any good tonight).

7:28
Lamar: Here Luke, your turn.
Luke: It's okay Lamar you can have it.
Lamar: Are you sure buddy?
Luke: Yeah, go for it, go team!
Lamar: Okay, go team!

5:17 We like where this game is headed.

Did Lamar just take and make a 3?

0.0 Jordan just notched an Almost!

Something - Something Else Lakers. We forgot to remember.


4th Quarter
11:06 NO PUSHING OUR JORDAN!

9:34 You can't handle The Critt.

Speaking of good commercials, the "Change" commercial from Southwest Airlines? Brilliant.

7:23 Oh dear...

That was a painful look on Kurt's face. Painful.

4:44 The starters seem to be cleaning it up nicely.

4:19 No way was Derek missing that one!

Oh no Luke - must make 2 free throws... must make 2... nevermind.

2:52 Derek pretty much just decide this shit for us.

1:48 Yay Coby!

53.7 TACOS for sure.

Thank you Luke. Thank you!

112 - 96

Final Comments
All starters in doubles. Good times on a Sunday night.

The Yay award of the night: Coby Karl. We like seeing him play even though it's garbage time.

The Do It Well award of the night: Andrew Bynum. We just love watching him play, and that new J.Lo song seems fitting.

The 10 Games award: The Lakers for being 10 games over .500!

Our player of the night: Luke Walton. When we talk trash on him, he goes out and proves us wrong. Well, if that's what we have to do for him to get it done, then we'll just keep on. But seriously though, 7 assists means he's on his way back to his "known for".

Lakers vs. 76ers

A word before the game:
Man! It feels like it's been fooooooreva since the Lakers have played! Here's hoping the time off did them some good. We are Lakers through and through, but come on people... Lamar deserved the suspension, he was being a tad bit out of control, let's stop pretending it was innocent? Welcome to 2008 boys.


Tip Off
Derek, Wally Pip Luke, New 'do Ronny, Andrew, Kobe


1st Quarter
11:25 The bench looks mighty thin tonight.

11:12 Shirtwatch: Luke Walton

Dalembert - we just like saying that out loud. Typing it doesn't have the same effect =/

9:30 Andrew "Hustleman" Bynum!

7:48 Bye Luke.

6:36 RONNY!!!

Not to be haters or anything buuuuut, how many times are we gonna discuss the development of Hustleman?

5:01 The Extra Pass always works.

4:28 Unless that happens?

2:40 Shirtwatch: Andrew Bynum - but he gets a free pass for that throw down a second ago.

This may be the earliest we've ever ever seen Javaris. Woohoo!

34-26 Shotblockers


2nd Quarter
Celeb camera time... hey, wait a minute, where's Britney?

11:30 Jordan with the gold touch. We have no idea what that means, we just like talking about Jordan.

10:09 Phew! That one was close like 4 times in a row.

Woah! J.Critt, we weren't ready for that! Do it again... do it again!

8:57 Ronny?

What are the chances the shoes and the floor were intentionally manufactured to make that squeak-squeak sound as often as possible?

7:49 The Trev brings it home. Gosh he's good!

6:19 Looks like Kwame just bought himself a break.

5:54 "Fuck!" Don't be mad Jordan, you're still our Hero.

5:33 J.Critt gets Ronny into his first dance routine of the night.

3:56 We shan't comment on Luke's play so far - no need to curse it.

3:36 Someone tell Derek this is not the place to practice daddy and me ballet moves.

3:17 Round of applause for Mr. Crittenton!

64-40 Lakers!!


Half Time
We don't really have much to say, the game has spoken for itself so far. Brilliant. Let's hold on for the rest of the night okay? On a different note, some people have come to view us as alcoholics, so this year we've resolved to drink less... in 2009. We need wine refills.


3rd Quarter
11:14 Kobe isn't napping after the break.

10:07 The Sixers should probably learn how to babysit the Lakers a little better.

8:56 Semi-circle ball passing, our favorite!

6:37 Someone must have taken a match to D.Fish.

Nutmegged! Ultimate humiliation.

3:41 Luke and Vitti chatting... that can't be too good.

3:08 Andrew? We were gonna call this a shirtwatch until he pulled down his shorts on the court for a tuck in.

Mihm makes his traditional game day appearance.

1:13 J to J and everyone's smiling tonight.

1:00 So yeah, people are getting dinner tonight. No doubt.

Jordan plays volleyball?

96 -68 More of the same


4th Quarter
12:00 Ladies and gentlemen say hello to Coby Karl!

Hmmmmm?

Trevor is like our own personal janitor.

6:32 Jordan Farmar will you marry us?

4:35 J.Critt!

Smart ball playing all around. "What a start to the weekend."

3:22 Damn, we thought Karl was gonna get himself a 12 trillion tonight. We're not really against him, we just thought it might be so - and we don't like being wrong.

1:23 Coby is a bit over-eager to do anything and everything all the time.

9.3 Pretty sure they took a quick vote and gave that to Coby Karl. That's teamwork my friends. THAT'S TEAMWORK!

124-93 I love L.A.
Bake 'em away toys!



Final Comments
Did everyone get on the board tonight? Yep, these kids defined teamwork tonight by kicking their stars to the curb for the 4th quarter. Most importantly... tacos all around!

The "Who?" award of the night: Lamar Odom. The Lakers forgot to remember that he was missing tonight.

The You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth? award of the night: Jordan Farmar for saying the F word on television (mostly we just want to point out that we saw it on TV cause that's funny).

The Interview Of The Night award: Ronny Turiaf because we love his accent almost as much as we love him begging for some tacos. Seriously? Give the men some tacos already! And Javaris Crittenton for being such a humble being.

Our player of the night: Javaris Crittenton: He pretty much threw his own 'Welcome to Los Angeles' party tonight during the most significant hardwood outing of his life so far. Welcome J, welcome.