Lakers @ Suns

A word before the game:
Shaq < Kobe


Tip Off
Bryant, Fisher, Gasol, Odom, Radmonovich.
Not to contribute to the hype, but watching them do the obligatory "what up bro" thing before ball toss was kinda awesome.


1st Quarter
10:05 Shaq down! This is going to be a very nervous game...

7:35 That was almost a smooth one... almost but it's early. Wake up boys.

7:10 Quick, everybody yell like Coach.

BLOCKED

We're getting rather tired of talking about the pinky. Reporters don't need to have their fingers taped to prove the point.

3:26 Kobe vs. The Suns, literally.

1:55 This is not DJ's fault. Just keep watching.

Jordan looks taller, did he get his knees done?

1.8 Kobe Bryant fo dat azz! (" for that ass" for those who don't read street)

32-29 Llllllllllllllakers!


2nd Quarter
11:10 THE MACHINE
Note for the announcing staff: Sasha got over being an 11am shooter a bit earlier this season, let's stop talkng about it now mmmkay?

10:04 J. Farm from Walton. Good to see these two back from their great depressions.

Perhaps we only meant Jordan came back from his great depression?

Snooze fest

4:08 And we haven't been paying attention really because they won't stop talking about Shaq.

3:38 Shaq makin' those free throws just like always (which means he missed them).

1:59 Shirtwatch: Lamar. It's half in sideways and half out. ??

44.9 KOBE BRYANT puts Phoenix to shame.

39.9 And Nash for the miss, makes his little pre-free throw ritual look silly.

Sasha??? Oh... okay nevermind.

65-57 Lakers


Half Time
Pretty good job so far. We cannot let the 3rd Quarter Collapse grab us by the balls and hang us up. We are 2 quarters away from sweeping the series and making them eat our dust, I think they know this. Get it done. Get it done. Hear that? That's the sound of Bill Walton bustin' Shaq out on his free throws.
4, 857. Let's see, he's been in the league for 16 years? We don't know math much but that's like 303.56 per season. Which brings it down to somewhere around 4 per game if you believe that he's played in 82 games in each of his 16 years. If you believe that, that's a good stat. If you believe that.


3rd Quarter
Dear announcers: You may have to remind yourself that it's going to take time to see what Shaq can do but while you're doing that, we're spanking your precious precious Suns and remembering that one time when Pau played his first game with us and kicked the shit out of the Nets... we had to remind ourselves of that.

8:07 How much time are we going to give Grant Hill to set up for the 3?

6:36 Derek would be advised to watch his tone while talking to refs who make poor decisions.

5:00 Passed to Jackson, Phil... he doesn't play anymore so that's no good y'all.

Is it French or Italian, perhaps Fritalian?

4:11 Lamar should not act like a child because he misses easy shots. Someone should teach Phoenix fans how to properly give an MVP chant, they mostly suck at it. Good shot anyway Stevie.

1:24 Best jump ball ever in the history of ever.com, taking down the ref is always awesome.

95-91 Thanks to Pau!


4th Quarter
8:09 Oh shit. Give him a T, come on... it's no fun if the homies can't have none.

7:26 Somehow we knew it was going to go down like this, now we have to hold our breath. Tied.

6:18 Hmmm

6:03 Kobe. Like Nash. Only better.

3:58 Bell down! We're actually worried... he's kinda cute.

Oh shit... Shaq's elbow pretty much knocked him unconscious. Nooooo bueno.

3:14 Why do these guys need the jump ball situation explained to them every single time?

1:30 Shaq's been spending a lot of time on the ground tonight. Nice somersault though.

1:15 What's wrong D'antoni? Too much Laker momentum for you?

47.2 Shaq on the floor again.

14.3 The immediate foul is such a thing of desperation. We sincerely hope the Suns fans in attendance and not are enjoying this spanking.

2.6 This game is over. Congratulations Phoenix Suns, you suck. Even with Shaqie poo.

130-124 See above


Final Comments
The Ha Ha award of the night: Phoenix Suns, Phoenix Suns fans, Phoenix Suns "fans" who "go to the game" and post on myspace from their sidekicks about how they are at the game and love Steve Nash, can all share this one, no explanation needed right?

The Basketball Is Played Standing Up award of the night: Shaq. We should have taken shots each time the hit the floor.

The We Really Hope He's Okay award of the night: Raja Bell. Ouch!

Our Player of the Night award: Lamar Odom. Now that nobody is looking at him wondering what the matter could be, he's suddenly having the year of his life. Don't think we haven't been recognizing that. L.Odom! (say it with Ronny's accent for full effect)